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Testimonials

Thoughts of a Council Member…

When I was asked to join the Survivors’ Advisory Coucil, I was eager and excited as I saw it as a way to provide abused partners of all types with the services they need in an easy to access environment.  When I left my abusive husband of 19 years (1989), this city was sorely lacking in services or was keeping their services well hidden!  A High School counsellor was the one who got me connected with the services I needed then.  I was on CCADAOW (which is now KAFCC) and some of us worked on a pamphlet to list the services and a contact person and also a guideline of some sort through the police and court systems.  Unfortunately, funding was depleted prior to completion of the pamphlet.  

I saw the Council as a way to continue what was started back in 1992-94 and hopefully, bring it or other similar projects to completion in order to help abused persons find their way to the services they need.  It needs to be simpler than it was then and is now.  I see Collaborative Services as a giant leap in this direction.  My biggest wish is that victims, finally able to leave their abuser, are able to find services more easily, get help with what they need in the way of forms or information, find a place to live, and secure an income if needed.  I want them to get all this without being so discouraged and humiliated that they return to their abuser.  If a woman is ready to get out of the situation, each and every one of us should be willing and able to help her.  Collaborative Services can provide this and I think it is long overdue in this city.  We could have used this back in the 80’s, let alone 2009.  I feel that if I can help promote this new type of service model, I will be giving back and making something good come out of the 19 years of physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse that I endured.

It’s difficult to get away.  I so often hear people talking to each other about a victim, “Why doesn’t she just leave?; How can she stand living like that?”.  This being said as if it is as easy to leave as snapping your thumb.  By no means is there just one thing to consider when trying to leave.  There are kids, property issues, financial issues, finding a home, separation issues, custody issues, finding a new school, maybe just leaving with the clothes on one’s back without necessary documents, no money and without a car.  There are emotional issues. What will everyone think and say?  What friends will I and my children lose?  Am I crazy?  Are things really this bad?  One is so confused, so tired, and so worn out that you can hardly think, let alone make decisions.  Even if things are not life-threatening, it is still difficult to see clearly and know what to do. 

We really need help at this point and CSDS would be a great place to go and get some help, information and much needed support to make an informed decision.  Support is one of the most crucial things at this time for the victim.  The victim is unable to think clearly or remember, frightened out of her wits, feeling lost and between a rock and a hard place, an inner emotional tug of war is going on, and her stress and anxiety levels are through the roof, all the while she tries to maintain a normal pose and carry on as usual.  That’s why the number one thing she needs is support.  She also needs information, understanding, guidance and a respectful attitude from those assisting her. 

A lot of women have no support.  People think you can rely on friends and family, but that is not always the case.  Victims need to make sure their friends are truly their friends, not his and hers; victims may have no family or none nearby or they may be alienated and isolated so have no support.  Lack of support as well as all the fears, anxieties, and lack of knowledge of services are a big reason why the victim remains with, or returns to the abuser.  At least she has a roof over her head, money for food and clothing, a car to drive, a companion so she’s not alone and isn’t running around or jumping through hoops trying to make her way through the various difficult systems she will need to work with if she leaves.  She’ll try harder to make sure she doesn’t make him angry so he won’t hurt her again.  That’s the easy way out, in a sense.  It can take many attempts to leave before the final break.  Eventually though, he gets more and more angry and the beatings get more violent so she knows she has to leave for good this time and soon, or she’ll be dead. 

Having a group of services in one place where dedicated, friendly, respectful and supportive staff  can provide her with the help she needs and make her feel supported can give her the courage to fight through all the obstacles she will face in a very short period of time.  Collaborative Services can provide all of this and would be a truly wonderful place for victims of abuse to go when they leave the abuser.  It would definitely be a great service to the City of Kingston, proving we care and are here for victims and survivors. 

Jeannie Quinn, Council Member, 2009

Another Testimonial from a Member of the Survivors’ Advisory Council…

The Survivor’s Advisory Council was assembled approximately one year ago. Initially the council was asked to provide input on users service needs and the best way these may be met as part of the development process of the much anticipated collaborative site for violence victims and survivors in the Kingston region. From its insurrection all of the council members expressed both a willingness and appreciation to share their perspectives as it provided a positive outcome from their unfortunate experiences of violence. In addition, all of the members continue to feel that their participation has the potential to aid in or at least shine a light on some of the cracks, loopholes and insufficiencies between the organized support systems as experienced by violence and sexual assault victims.

As the year progressed the focus of the SAC transformed from deliberating and reporting on the location of the Collaborative site, how it should look and which services should be involved to one of expression of the importance and need of service collaboration in the Kingston region. This was highlighted in the Spring of 2009 with a presentation to members of the KFACC. SAC members found this to be both a challenging, yet most rewarding experience of our council work as it allowed members to voice some of their gained insights from their involvement with various agencies and organizations. In the process of developing the presentation members became aware of both their individual and combined strengths and began to realize the ability of transformation that could result from sharing knowledge of experience. From the success of the original presentation the SAC received additional opportunities to present our experiences and knowledge with various agencies throughout the region.

In the upcoming year we look forward to continuing to share our experiences of living with violence and the ongoing process of living violent-free lives with various organizations throughout the region. We are also looking forward to the opportunity to invite new survivors to the council in the New Year.

Council Member, 2009